Portland has become a bad joke.

Sophie Peel, for Willamette Week (Willamette is a southern suburb of Portland), reports that, a recent ad, funded by a group called “Travel Portland,” in The New York Times, has “raised quite a few eyebrows on Social Media.”

Soooo, Portland is reaching out to New Yorkers who haven’t had enough rioting and looting?

The ad states, “We’re a place of dualities that are never polarities.’

Oh no, not at all!

“Two sides to the same coin that keep landing right on its edge.”

They left out the part about landing in a pile of excrement!

“Anything can happen. We like it this way.”

That last line was sponsored by the Criminals For A Free Portland (CFAFP) group.

Crime is up significantly across the board, I Portland, with homicides rising over 500% over last year.

The ad continues, ‘“You’ve heard a lot about us lately. It’s been a while since you heard from us. Some of what you’ve heard about Portland is true. Some is not. What matters most is that we’re true to ourselves,’ the ad read on a sparse page of simple black text.”

“Travel Portland, the agency that placed the ad, explained in a June 21 statement that the ad is part of a wider campaign to right Portland’s reputation nationally and ‘to inspire overnight stays at Portland hotels and short-term rentals.’”

“Right Portland’s reputation?”

They, of course, mean they’re trying to sugar coat Portland’s deserved reputation as the lawless riot capital of the United States. 

Hey, 150 straight nights of rioting is quite an impressive record!   

“One of the building blocks of the summer campaign is a video, which Travel Portland says ‘gives consumers the opportunity to see past the negative news headlines of last year into the lives of some everyday Portlanders right now.’”

“It shows visitors will find a city that is evolving as it works toward the advancement of an even better and more equitable version of itself—a move toward a new normal instead of a return to the pre-pandemic past. The voiceover for the ‘This is Portland’ anthem celebrates and embraces the contrasts that Portland has in abundance: fine dining and food carts, luxury boutiques and used record stores, street art and forested trails,” Travel Portland said in its statement.”

I’ve got some ideas Portland can use in its campaign!

How about, “Come for the protests, stay for the looting!?”

Or, “You haven’t roasted marshmallows until you’ve roasted them over a roaring dumpster fire!?”

Or how about, “Get free cans of spray paint when you sign-up for our graffiti experience field trip!?”

And lastly, “Before you head back home, launch bottle rockets at our punching bag police force!”

“Travel Portland hired a minority-owned ad agency called INDUSTRY to produce the campaign.”

Oh, then you know it’s gotta be a good campaign!?

Did we really need to know this?

“Travel Portland tells WW [Willamette Weekly] that the campaign was paid for by the Tourism Improvement District, a program created in 2012 that places an additional 2 percent fee on overnight stays at hotels and vacation rentals on top of the existing 11.5 percent tax. The money garnered from that 2 percent additional fee is used by Travel Portland to promote the city as a vacation destination.”

Sooo, the fools who decide to visit your hell hole are footing the bill for the ad that presumably got them there?  

Brilliant!

“The ad in The New York Times, which Travel Portland says also appeared in the Los Angeles Times, San Francisco Chronicle and The Seattle Times, seems to be an effort to dispel Portland’s image in the national spotlight as the country’s chaotic and violent epicenter of racial justice protests, an image fueled in part by former President Donald Trump’s rhetoric.”

Ahhh, there it is!

It’s all Trump’s fault!

Now there’s a rallying cry these visitors can all get behind!

After all, you’re just a quaint, little old city, fighting for racial justice!

And excuse me for asking, but why would you bother to advertise in L.A., San Francisco, and Seattle?

Isn’t that like one failing zoo trying to get visitors from other failing zoos?

Just sayin’.

“The mayor’s office did not respond to a request for comment about Travel Portland’s ad.”

I’m sure they were way too busy working on defunding the police and all.

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